Like most 20-somethings that live on their own and that stretch out a pot of pasta for as a long as possible so they can pay their bills, I don’t have cable. The only time I watch actual TV is when I’m over my parents’ house or when I get some type of gumption from social media that a particular episode of a particular show is worth watching.
I got that gumption from Instagram when memes of the latest Catfish episode aired.
Entitled: “Dorian and Jezsica,” this episode portrayed a young man on the verge of making a very monumental and difficult decision: either to stay with his girlfriend of 7 months named Rafinee or leave her for some Instagram-Twitter Model named Jezsica, he had never met.
Interestingly enough, Rafinee is ALLOWING Dorian to meet this other girl just for him to be happy. And is literally waiting at the sidelines for him to make a decision… Now, I’ve been in that type of situation before and, let me tell you, only the poorest of souls with NO self-esteem make that mistake…. BELIEVE ME!!!!
As much as the TV show hosts, Nev & Max, tried to humanize Dorian (poor Dorian), we could all see through his bull**** and call this guy a complete and total jerk.
According to Dorian, both ladies were there for him during a difficult time in his life, they were both supportive, and they both made him happy… So why would he leave one physical chick for a virtual one?
Because of the way Jezsica looked.
If Jezsica wasn’t a light-skinned racially ambiguous, exotic looking creature, would Dorian even put his “great” relationship at risk to meet her? Dorian wasn’t content with dating a black girl, he was willing to risk his relationship and a place to live (because he was living with Rafinee) just to be with Jezsica.
Like all Catfish episodes, at the end of the show the virtual Catfisher proves to be a different person, but luckily for Dorian, the actual person he was speaking to, Alexis, was a very, stunning woman….
You could see the look of utter disappointment in Dorian’s face when Alexis proves herself not to be the mulatto Jezsica with the hair like Remy flowing down her back that he had fantasized about for years.
And with that, Dorian chucked up deuces and walked away from Alexis.
The thing that hit me the most was when Dorian spoke to Rafinee the same day and said, “I chose you.” That’s a complete lie. What he really meant to say is: “Well, I saw the girl and she’s not the pretty girl I thought she was, so since you were second place, I guess I’m stuck with you.”
And, Rafinee beams as if she’s won the real prize and takes him back.
Dorian was a colorstruck fool….We can all see that, but so was Rafinee…
We all know that Black men are more vocal about their adoration for those whose features clearly resembles Whiteness. But Black men are not the only ones that adore Whiteness….Black women do as well.
I recently had a dinner date with one of my best friends and asked her how she feels about how others perceive her because of her skin tone. Her answers were that she understood that people were attracted to her because of that, but she didn’t necessarily LIKE it… What I got from her answers (and I’m pretty sure she’ll let me know if I got it wrong LOL…LOVE YOU,BOO ;-) ) was that she didn’t see it as a benefit. It didn’t make her feel as if she was better than anyone.
However, there are A LOT of Black women out there that have been so brainwashed by society that Light is Better and actually believe it. There are dark and brown skinned women out there that literally place themselves in a Beauty Hierarchy within their group of friends. They’re the ones that take the back seat when that other person comes into the room; they’re the ones that dress down because “Why bother?” right? And they’re the ones that feel that they should be second place.
That’s what Rafinee thought. She looked at this Jezsica character and said, “I can’t compete with that. No amount of love, no amount of support I can give will ever make me seem better than her. I’m not better than her because she’s light skinned.”
Rafinee believed that she was second best because of Jezsica’s ambiguous ethnicity. And because she felt that way, she didn’t fight Dorian on his decision to continue another relationship. It’s as if a homely housewife puts up with the Mistress because she gives the husband excitement, something that the housewife feels she can’t possibly give him.
Rafinee represents all those black girls out there that adore lightness and put that light skinned person on the pedastool. They feel they can’t compete because they’re darker and don’t feel confident in their own skin because of the Light is Better philosophy that has plagued our community.
The most interesting thing about Colorism is it’s not really that Black man’s fault for perpetuating it…it’s the Black Woman’s fault as well.
We don’t understand that beauty comes in all shades and hair textures. That a light skinned chick with hair like Remy is just as beautiful as the darker sister with thick dreads like a mass of snakes on her head. And until we get to that point, we will always be entangled with this #TeamLightSkin vs. #TeamDarkSkin travesty.