A time for food, fun and family. A time when memories are recalled and made. A time when laughter fills the air, food fills tummies and emotions of warmth and love fill our hearts giving us that lovely, gooshy feeling.
But, for some of us, holidays magnify the only negative feeling of singledom. They bring the age-old questions that Mothers, Aunties, Grandmothers and older female cousins ask: Why don’t you have a boyfriend yet? or Where is your man? or, the most recent nails-on-the-chalkboard question, When are you gonna start dating?
Those questions coupled with cousins, sisters and brothers bringing in their significant others of 2, 3 or 4 months; giggling in each other faces and smiling so hard the muscles in their face strain from the pressure. It’s all for show, you think, as your mother hides a look that divulges the question she’s been thinking in her head since last year: What is wrong with my daughter?
And there you are. Your sisters sit on their boyfriends laps until it’s time for them to go and meet his family. They leave in their lovelies shiny cars while you trudge towards the backseat of your parent’s truck.
Yeah, I’ve been there. Too many times. 😦
As much as I want to walk in a relative’s house with my head held high I can’t seem to shake the feeling of inadequacy because I don’t have a bf. I do love myself… don’t’ get me wrong! I do like my life, my friends and family and am enjoying it. But it’s these holidays and relatives with their overwhelming opinions of what stage I should be in in my love life at age 23….makes it kinda tough.
Every year I go through this, but this year, I got some weapons to combat the “Single Girl Holiday Blues.” 🙂
1. Don’t deny your feelings.
It’s okay to feel sad, pissed or annoyed during the holidays, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Be conscious on how you deal with your emotions. Emotions are neither right nor wrong, but actions can be.
2. Have a game plan when you go to a Relative’s house.
Anticipate how you will handle those questions, especially the ones from above. I know, they’re irritating, but don’t let them bother you. When asked about your love life, a simple, “No news in that department,” will do just fine. Or try to change the subject. Try to talk about other areas in your life where you are successful: your job, school, your friendships, your artistic creations…anything else.
3. Change your view.
The couples you see every Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s are the same ones you see through the year. They’re the same ones you see arguing ferociously when you just swing by your cousin’s house on a whim. Sometimes your loneliness and frustration will allow you to see their relationship in a glamorous light.
Don’t let it fool you. They haven’t changed, just the environment….besides everyone’s on their best behavior during Holidays. 🙂
4. You Complete You.
A significant other enhances who are you, they don’t complete you. You don’t need a significant other to make yourself seem important or special… just the fact that you’re single and are waiting for that wonderful someone, and not just taking whatever comes your way, makes you special.
Realize that this is an important stage in your life; a stage where you are figuring out what makes you You. 🙂 Appreciate it for what it is.
5. Ignore the Negativity.
People who define their self-worth by having someone sleeping in their bed are your worst enemies during this time. They are the ones that believe that there is something wrong with you if you don’t live life the way they do. Ignore them. Let them talk. For example, there are some people in my family that think I’m a lesbian because I’ve never had a boyfriend….yeah, I know. At first it pissed me off, but now? I KNOW who I am and realize that when I find the love of my life, it’s going to be so heartfelt and not a smash-n-go. lol
So, those are my little weapons to combat the “holiday blues.” Follow them and you’ll be well on your way to enjoying the Holiday Season.