Out of all the guys I’ve dated, Mr. Insecure was my heart.
He and I went through the same ups and downs when it came to relationships. We’ve both had our heart-broken more times than we wanted to. We were both more than a little insecure about ourselves and others–All we wanted to do was love and be loved.
But two insecure people together makes for A LOT of drama.
It took 3 years for me to get Mr. Thug out of my system (that was mainly because he was in and out of my life during those three years). This was something that my mother and sisters all thought were ridiculous but, hey, sometimes it takes that long to realize that you deserve better, especially if you had a low self-esteem to begin with.
The semester Mr. Thug told me about his girlfriend, I met Mr. Insecure, but my mind was so wrapped around Mr. Thug, that I didn’t give Mr. Insecure the slightest chance.
Well….let me be honest. I didn’t give ANY man the slightest chance. I was hurting and I wanted every man around me to hurt. So, when Mr. Insecure came to me, as nice as he was–and as much as I liked him–I said things that drove him away. I made him feel horrible about himself and I drove a wedge between us that could’ve turn out to be a wonderful relationship.
After I told Mr. Thug to kiss my behind, I decided to connect with Mr. Insecure, to heal our severed relationship and see where it can take us.
Well, fortunately for him–but unfortunately for me– Mr. Insecure had changed in the last 2 1/2 years. When I first met him, Mr. Insecure was over 300 pounds, now, he weighed in the high 100s, with pounds of muscle.
Despite my misgivings–I didn’t want to seem shallow and have people say I was only dating him because of how he looked–I still pursued him and he pursued me. For about a month, I was absolutely happy.
But, I didn’t know that Mr. Insecure caught the eyes of several girls–and one of them would do anything to keep him away from me.
This girl, whose personality was given in one of my older post Female Competition=Insecurity in Oneself , lied on me. She told Mr. Insecure lies about who I am and what I had said to her even though I had NEVER SPOKEN TO HER.
Because of the lies she told him, his insecurity reared its ugly head. You see, he believed these lies because he wasn’t too sure that I actually cared for him. He felt that because of all the things that happened to him in his past–his girlfriend cheated on him, other girls used him for money and gifts and then threw him away–that I was going to do the same.
Because of his insecurity, he went back and forth between me and this other girl for a month and half. A love triangle. Every time she was with him, she fed him lies. And when he hung out with me, I had to spend most of my time trying to make him believe me and trust me.
Mind you, all this drama happened before he and I made it official.
Then the excuses came:
“I don’t know what I want.”
“I’m afraid. I don’t think I deserve you.”
“I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I’m going to be busy next semester.”
“Maybe we can date after school.”
So, by October, I’ve had enough. I was done with crying, I was done with waking up every morning wondering if this was the day he was going to tell me that he wanted to be with me or the other girl, I was sick of the anxiety and DEFINITELY sick of the excuses.
We called it off. And, wouldn’t you know it, the other girl called it off with him, too…. I later found out that she wanted him to be with anyone, but me…
Hmmmmm, jealous much, b@#%h? LOL
We tried to remain friends, but you know how that goes. It was too painful. It got more painful when I found out that he was dating someone in the same busy semester he told me he couldn’t date me in.
At first I was pissed, but now, I really don’t’ care. I guess I wasn’t the person he wanted to be with; however, I wish he wouldn’t have taken me through all that drama just to figure that out! LOL
What did I learn from Mr. Insecure?
I learned that two insecure people make for A LOT of drama. I learned that I shouldn’t force anything to happen with a person that obviously isn’t ready for it to happen or doesn’t want it at all. I reiterated that I am the best, not second best, and I deserve happiness.
I also learned to NEVER wait on a man to make a decision between me and another woman… Life is too short and there are other men out there that will trip over me 🙂
After a couple of months of getting ourselves out of each other’s systems, Mr. Insecure and I still communicate from time to time. We still have that deep connection we had, but it has transferred into our friendship.
As much drama Mr. Insecure put me through, I don’t have that hatred for him that I had for Mr. Thug or that deep belly-laugh-riot I have when I think about Mr. No Vision.
It’s sort of a sad, dreamy feeling because I know that he really did care about me and we would’ve been good together.
But, what are you gonna do?
There’s not reason crying over spilled milk.