Ladies, let’s be honest. Our men are running away from us at an ALARMING rate.
When my parents were in their early 20’s, it was very rare for them to see an Interracial Relationship amongst their peers. Let’s take it a step further. When my grandmother was in her early 20’s it was rarer still, even though she was a Flower Child (Yes, my grandma was a hippie and still kinda acts like it :)) and believed in equality and marched alongside her white counterparts, VERY few Interracial Relationships blossomed (it WAS illegal in certain states, but even in the states that it was legal, Black males and females remained loyal to each other).
My question is why is it such a popular and common thing to do nowadays?
Because the Black Man is Tired.
I’ve decided to put together a list of why the Black Man is So Tired (And, ladies, it’s mostly OUR FAULT).
1. They have to deal with the Product of A Single-parent Home
In the documentary “Diary of a Tired Black Man,” one statistic that jumped up at me was that about 80 percent of black children were raised in a single-parent home. Between the Civil Rights Movement and today, black males have been put in prison daily, leaving children to be raised in a single parent home. The introduction of gangs and the increase in violence in the black community has led the black man astray, having him end up in prison or the in the grave. The definition of men now-a-days is that he drops his seed and leaves–one definition that has been solidified by rappers like Lil’ Wayne and P. Diddy.
Where does this leave the Black female? To be both the father and the mother of their children, taking on the responsibility and roles of a father. Her stress level causes attitudes and men, who follow the definition principle, go in and out of her life, breaking her.
She becomes angry and she teaches her daughters to be angry and not trust men.
2. They have to deal with the product of Broken Hearts
As men follow the “screw them and leave them,” principle that sooo makes them men, we end up having women who 1.) never had a father figure to show them how a man is supposed to behave and 2.) Never had a mother who showed them the positive in a Black male. We end up meeting brothers who never had a father figure and idealizes the negative aspect of the Black male. Some of them don’t treat us right and break out hearts, so we become bitter. So bitter that when a good brother comes along we don’t even see him and treat him as if HE was the one who broke our hearts the past 5 times.
3. They have to deal with the product of the Glamorous High Life
What is the Glamorous High Life? Well, just like men, we women idealize certain people– Beyonce, Rhianna to name a few, who are rich and glamorous and are adored–and ideals–romance and complete adoration. We want to be treated “just like them.” We want the clothes, the cars, the shoes, the make up, the jewelry… We want the rose pedals at our doors and the constant romance and sex that is shown on the big screen.
And when we don’t get these things, the things that the world is telling us what a man is supposed to do, we tell them they don’t take care of us.
Many Black women have been the product of a single-parent home. Their mother’s bitterness and hopelessness in finding a decent Black man is transferred to their daughters. The anger of a deadbeat father and the negativity of men who came in and out of the Black woman’s life as a child causes them to have contempt for every Black man they see or have a relationship with.
There are horrible Black brothers out there (there are also horrible White, Asian and Hispanic guys as well). They live the life they glamorize in rap songs and on T.V., believing that the amount of women they get pregnant and ditch defines their manhood. Leaving a woman perpetuates the cycle of a single-parent home AND breaks hearts, solidifying the “Niggas ain’t s#@%,” image.
As women, we idealize what we can’t have, the high glamorize lifestyle of stars. We have this concept that we are supposed to be treated like queens and be catered to. And when a man can’t provide that type of lifestyle to not only make us feel better about ourselves, but better about our low-status situation in life as Black women, we degrade him.
It looks like we wear our past experience on our shoulders.
While some of the reasons why the Black male dates outside of his culture throw me for a loop (most of it does, anyway), let’s be honest, there are A LOT of Angry Black females who tend to cast all deadbeat brothers in the same category of good brothers. There are a lot of Angry Black females who hurt their chances of being with a good brother because they talk down to them and nag and don’t support their vision. And there are a lot of Black women out there that say they are queens with an arrogant attitude to accompany it.
We have to understand that, yes, we are queens, but our men are our kings. And because they are our kings, we must treat them with the same respect they treat us. They are not the men that broke our hearts; they are not the fathers that left us behind. They are NOT to blame for this Eurocentric society we live in.
We can’t blame everything on them.